Last Night.... I had to Write about this because...

Yesterday was my anniversary.... and I forgot!!! Yea how often does a female forget about an anniversary?  Well I did. Most of the day went by, and I forgot! :( So my SO was veeerrry upset with me because I have a tendency to forget :( I can be selfish in that way (this I would like to change). Spending those years away at college, we never really got a chance to spend our anniversary together, except this one time I decided to take off from school and do Real Estate. By the time he mentioned to me that it was our anniversary, It was like 6:30 p.m. I was on the phone with him almost all day and he didn't mention anything! But, he just tried to see if I would remember because its a n important day for him (me also). We have been through so much and the first time I am actually home for good, I forget.

So, he's on the phone with me and around 6:30 p.m. he suddenly turns mad.

 I say "what?"

He says, "Im mad at you and this will be the last time you do this to me"

There have been times I had forgotten his birthday.... Yea Im terrible... I know. There was no excuse for this one.

So he says "Look at the calendar..." I look, and say "Shiiiiiiiitt!" Its August 27th. Our anniversary day. I wrote in this blog yesterday too. Doing everything BUT remembering my own anniversary.

"Come over here NOW" he says. I know he's pissed beyond pissed. So I dropped everything I was doing and headed over there.  

When I get over there, he barely opens the door for me, and heads str8 to the bathroom. I walk in and see  BEAUTIFUL multi colored roses, 2 cards, and a Victoria Secret Bag. Music is playing... Dave Hollister... I forget the title but the lyrics say, I love you but I hate you so much right now.... Yea.... Great.... I feel like garbage! Even more. He comes out the bathroom fro taking a shower, and all I could do is put my head down and just listen.

This is how I KNOW QMP is working.

When I am being scolded, I put up my defenses and sometimes and I argue instead of seeing the others point of view. Even when I am str8 up wrong, I will listen, feel bad and talk down on myself and make myself feel even worse when the other person just wants me to make the situation right. I'll say things like, Im the worst person ever, or in some way fall into a bout of self pity or brief self hate. I'll stare into space and just not come back down for awhiiile.

This is how yesterday was different. I felt like crap, but I listened. My defenses were completely down and I understood the situation. I didn't fall into a bout of self pity because I wanted to make the situation right. Even though he was really pissed there were times that I smiled and we laughed. I would NEVER do that. I felt calm and I felt ok with myself that I made the mistake. I wanted to change the situation and show him my appreciation. He always shows it for me, so I want to show him on a consistent basis that I appreciate him. My mom also. This has NEVER happened in an argument where I mess up royally. Where I make myself vulnerable to him and is completely understanding if he rejects me at the moment. I was ok with it. He had every right to be mad. I also have a fear of rejection, so this was ok with me. My pride was not present, but I was. I have a tendency also, to look away when I am being scolded, but I looked him dead in the eyes and saw his pain. I was accepting my criticism with open arms. He deserved me to look at him and empathize with him. When I say I look away a lot, I mean it, so this is big also. My mom will even tell you. Thats my way of not wanting to deal with the situation. But I wanted to. So even though he was mad, the air was light, and so was my spirit. I guess when he saw that, his spirit became light as well. We had a great time after that. I do need to show appreciation for those that are willing to bend over backwards for me. I love them dearly and without their support, I would be lost.

I am starting to genuinely see changes, and I cant wait to see what 1 month of QMP looks like.

-Peace